Customers expect amazing service when they dine at a nice restaurant. This is acceptable due to how much money they are shelling out for a meal. I could get groceries for a week with the money that some people spend on a single night out.
Some customers enter a restaurant with a gracious and happy attitude while others apparently put their cranky pants on that day. To those who expect great service but do not show gratitude in return, I count down the seconds until you leave and pray to the money gods that you don’t tip as terribly as you act.
There are certain demographics of people that are absolutely horrible to serve. Besides the customers who are rude, there are the tables of all women and the parents who let their children smash food into the ground. If there was a hell on earth, serving these people, would be it.
I walked up to a table of five women during my last shift and began taking their orders. The woman with the plump, collagen filled lips wanted a vodka martini with four blue cheese stuffed olives, extra dirty, up, with sweet vermouth swished around the glass. She also wanted bread, butter, coffee, a new napkin and a shot. If I had the tentacles of an octopus rather than arms then it would be no problem. Unfortunately that is not a common genetic mutation, so instead, I run like a crazy person trying to please just one woman out of five for fifteen minutes.
Ladies, I am very sorry to report that you are my least favorite group of people to wait on. Groups of women are extremely needy, impatient and always want separate checks.
If women are not getting separate checks then they argue about who is going to pay until the meek friend gives in to the bossier one. It is a rare occasion when a group of women does not fit at least one of those adjectives.
Do I think that your child is cute? Most likely. Do I think it’s cute when your child is smearing macaroni and cheese onto the nicely prepared table? Absolutely not.
I never understood parents who let their two year old use their food for target practice. I do have to clean those tables myself and the job becomes much more time consuming when I am wiping up baby drool and half chewed food.
Not only are children messy, but some parents believe it’s acceptable to let their children use a restaurant as their personal playground. A child the other night ran around the restaurant twice while screaming at the top of his lungs and jumping up and down like a monkey. I do enjoy a good monkey imitation from time to time but not when it makes customers upset and I lose money. Parents should keep a closer eye on their children. Don’t use a child leash, however, that’s a little too close.
Every person should have to serve customers at least once in their life. It is an experience where the rewards are messes, baby drool, 18 separate checks and angry customers. Until they create real-life Go Go Gadget arms, serving will always be a step in the wrong direction.
