Last time there was a shutdown in Washington a lot of people got a lot of downtime including the President. Now you must realize the unusualness of this situation. The American presidency is similar to the hit TV show, 24.It is always about jumping from one crisis to another and the President is super busy.
I guess we could understand Bill Clinton’s dilemma. He had all this free time and what was he going to do with it. He could have shared it with Hilary or Chelsea. But I think wandering alone along the halls of the big old White House must have given him some ideas. I mean what’s wrong if some big haired intern offers to give you some company. Monica was just being a humanitarian.
It might be a few days before the House Republicans and the President find common ground, and yes, bickering will happen. But there will also be plenty of downtime for people in Washington. And since we don’t want all of them ending up like Poor Bill and an idle mind is the devil’s workshop, so I have come up with a list of things they should be doing.
It is vital for the President to be busy. In times of stress and distress, the feeling of having something between their fingers is very difficult for ex-smokers to resist, but it is vital for the President not to succumb. Michelle is watching closely. She doesn’t want her man smoking. So there goes that option out of the window. I think this is the time for quality family time. Bo the First Dog got a companion, Sunny is the name. She joined the White House in August, and I am sure the President hasn’t gotten time to know this lady. So I suggest, the Big Dog and this dog hang out. And furthermore the President could work on an official designation for Sunny. Bo is the First Dog. I wanted to say Sunny is the Second Dog, but considering Joe Biden has a dog. We could call her the First…since she is Bo’s girlfriend. But this is a family…er… college newspaper. You get my point.
Let’s get to the House Speaker. John Boehner might also use this time for reflection. Maybe he could invite Newt Gingrich over for some coffee. They could talk about how to handle a government shutdown. When the sax player was in the White House, Newt was the head honcho on the House on the Hill. Or they could discuss options. What if the whole situation tanks and Boehner’s political career is caput. Perhaps they could plan a comeback, say in 2016. Boehner could come back as a Fox News analyst.
NASA scientists have been craving free time. They all know why they joined NASA, but all this time they haven’t had the opportunity. What good is to be an astronaut if you are not allowed to look for aliens? Why are we still talking about going to the moon? So Area 51 was just a bunch of U2 spy planes? That just means the game is wide open to who would be the first to make first contact. If they make contact, they could ask the aliens what they did when all the workers went on furlough from the Federation. Did the Empire strike back?
What about the National Parks? Animals have been doing fine since before man came on the scene. Let them just be. What about the animals at the zoo? I am sure they are related to the ones in the National Parks, they will be just fine. They will resort to their natural inclinations. They will be hunting and mating. I am only worried about one critter. The Panda cam at the National Zoo has gone dark. Pandas are too cute and cuddly to be left to their own devices. That’s why they are an endangered species.
Anyway I was thinking of that other zoo. John Boehner’s zoo. I guess they could spend some time trying to resolve the crisis. I think this is the perfect opportunity to train them. I mean to teach them all sorts of little tricks. Firstly, Congressional members should be made to listen to the words of Rodney King over and over again. “Can’t we just get along?”
There was a time there was an impasse in the election of the Pope. The faithful were tired of all the bickering among the cardinals. The princes of the Church could not agree on a way found. The good people hit upon an ingenious solution. Lock them up until they made up their minds. It took thirty three months to get a Pope. Three Cardinals died and one resigned. That was the first conclave. Lucky for Congress we live in much more civilized times.
